i may look like this but i have feelings too

u can say anything that u want but i still hold on to my believes. no matter what i still want u. u may feel that im not a good company but i will still be here waiting for u. it hurts knowing what u thought n felt about me. fyi, i dont want to mourn over things. it is tiring but that's the only thing i could do to build myself. im sorry if i dragged u into my own hell but i want u to know that i never meant to do so. i am terribly upset and disturbed about our convo earlier. i am mentally tortured. i might not be the best person for u to be with and live the rest of your life with, but i know for sure i will try my best to be the "one" for u.

once upon a time...

i was lost. empty. lonely.

til the day i found u. u make me smile and laugh like nothing else matters. i'm glad that i found u. the path were rocky but we made it through. ups and downs never broke us apart. i can never imagine myself going through life without u. the one i love. the one i care, miss and adore. the person who made me want to change the perceptions i had for life. days are brighter. my heart filled with love n joy. our song will always be sung in my heart n mind. i love u. heikal.

am i who i am??

if u knew me back then, u wouldn't know me now. why? I've changed. in what way? every single aspect in my life. really? yeah. my mother was the first one who felt it. she thinks that i am more sentimental, loving and soft hearted now. i wonder why.. it is hard to explain if i myself don't know when it started and why. am i changing for the better? do u think I'm not like i used to be? tell me. i want to know.

illusion

it hurts knowing that you were stronger back then than you are now. it kills me to fake my smile and laughter. i know i can never fit in no matter how hard i try. yes, i do have feelings and i care about how people around you react to me. i don't want to run away or avoid anyone due to how important they are to you. i hate being in that situation. I'm sorry but i tried really hard. I'm not really sure what else i could do to make things go better. for the time being, just let me be. just bare with me. everything hurts me. everything could make me cry. so please respect me and i hope you could understand. i love you and i know you do to but unfortunately, there are more out there who despise me. i care and i don't expect you to say anything.

i'm in need

honey, i never loved anyone as much as i do with you. never felt loved by other (man) like how you gave me all this while we've been together. your passion and your affections are hard to believe that i really deserve something like it. this comes straight from my heart and i haven't been stop typing it even for a sec. heikal, i'm lucky to have you. your patience really amazed me as everyone knows how stubborn i could be and how selfish i am most of the time. i'm sorry honey.. i love you and i care for you so much. please keep that in mind now and forever. lovelovelove!

gloomy days

i miss heikal. i miss spending time with him. just me and him and no one or nothing else would bother us. i'm really tired right now and i really wish he could be here and just be in his arms. ;(

what???

like i mentioned before, things are not going well lately. i hate to fake my smiles and my laughters. things will not be sorted out if this situation remained silent. what else can i do? i need incidents that could prove me right. yes! i need a miracle to make things right again. as for now, i feel like i don't know anyone. they won't talk neither am i. why should i? i can feel that im drafting aside. who knows why? i bet there's no one out there really understand what's inside. i'm not sure if anyone noticed my attitude lately. its better if they don't actually because it'll be easier for me to keep a distance. don't pretend anymore. come out when you're ready. i got time to hear.